Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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