I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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