If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize