Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
