Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
