I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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