Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
