Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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