We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
