I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
