why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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