me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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