Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
