I wish I could punch you in the face.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You are a genius and a whore.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
