so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
