ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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