And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
