Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
