I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize