i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
