i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
