I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
