So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
