I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
