We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
