i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
