I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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