do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
