I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
