I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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