He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
