You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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