well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you never un-have a 4some
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize