is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
