I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sext me about skeletons
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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