Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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