your thong is hanging out like whoa
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
