i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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