K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
