I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
