I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
