the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
