I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
