How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
