that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
