My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
