ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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