so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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