Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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