He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
