I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
