I could make wine with my vomit
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
