did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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