insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
