They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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