Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Your penis caused this!
Randomize