i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
