I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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