I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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