is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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