Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
