u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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