i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
