When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ketchup is God's man juice
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
