Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
