fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
