Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
