That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize