I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
