I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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