peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
