so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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