I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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