You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Farmville is her only friend.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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