didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
