oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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