okay pat passed out under dana's car
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
