Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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