one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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