You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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