Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
